External effects

People tell you you've changed ! is that right ?? someone is trying to proof that you changed ! is that the way you wanted it ?.

yeah sometimes i hate i love or i hurt 

but , all this was for myself to change 

i keep telling myself that this person doesn't worth it 

i actually already know but i don't deserve it !!

sometimes i try to keep cool

sometimes i let them know

sometimes i even pack my bags to walk out the door

my reply is yes , my motto changed for now 

cuz how life taught me

and how people treated me !!

and others experience all have gave me a lesson

I've grow older

i've tasted pain

i've saw many many people as me and even worst

I've grew stronger 

i've got whats life 

i just knew that i'm alone 

i knew that no-one was there for me 

or bothered to ask :')

I've tasted so much words that even doesn't make sense 

fake words hurts

fake smiles hurt s

fake hugs hurt s

fake friendship hurts

& fakkkkkkkke……………… hurtssss allllllloooooooooototttttttttt

staying alone hurts 

people ditching you hurts and back stabbers hurttssssssss 

&its hurts a lot cuz I've tried

people act like caring about you hurts 

everything  in this life hurts 

words hurt 

and sometimes friends hurts……….

crying hurts 

self harm hurts

as long as bullying hurts

feeling unwanted also hurts 

and being capable to control these problems for too long hurts

let me say that i'm strong enough to face my difficulties in this life and life isn't it about finding who you really are ,, its about creating yourself >>>>and being a fighter for strength and capability  

FEDUP

A Late Discovery

Something that i discovered latley is "IGNORANCE"!! 

People stay ignoring you like an INVISIBLE :')

That is actually what happens / happened to me **

you actually say to people "Why are u ignoring me??!

they answer : oh sry i won't repeat it :')

after 10 seconds of the question "n" answer 

a  question POPPED IN MY MIND"!!

On that moment she did  ignore me !! :')

So people use ignoring me as a daily routine 

 & some might been taken it as a HABBIT !!

+ Some will IGNORE ME FOREVER :')   

I just knew the reason !!:')

I think that it is written on my forehead " IGNORE ME" ! I really don't know why people IGNORE ME !! & i've been telling them! 

When i look on the mirror thats whats wrong why everybody ignores me ! , :') I don't see any marker scribble saying :"IGNORE ME "-_- , I actually have to erase it , but HOW !!!! Bring a normal pencil eraser ?! or a board marker eraser ??? or it may be a corrector :)  BUT !! what if the marker is permanent ??? its a MASSIVE problem ! A normal girl's look should be a pretty beautiful gorgeous look !! not a scribbled forehead and a tears dripping eyes"" :( 

I should erase it !But peoples's behaviour  among me in specific , make me hate myself  , step by step worse and i actually can't handle it anymore  !! i can't return back home lying on the bed sobbing more and more because of people ignoring me 

nobody maybe feels but okay :')

 The last thing i wanna say why do people ignore me ?????!

i know everybody hates their friends ditching them or just forgetting them , literally forget them:")

here in my own experience i've tasted that for more than 10 times and thats obviously too much 

i just can say i'm unwanted , useless and worthless .